intuition – NOURISHING HAPPINESS

“Trust the process” is what I woke up thinking the day I lost my keys before going to work as a lady of lunch at the local public middle school wondering if I would have the nerve to submit my resignation. While waiting for the key fairy, with all three of my middle schoolers in the car, Joey-Pup, our 9-year-old Border Collie, who is not allowed on the sofa, was standing on it, inquisitively gazing at us in our stationary car with her head so cutely cocked sideways. All four of us split a gut laughing and stared at Joey, while Joey sat on the forbidden furniture staring at us. She finally gave up and dropped out of view, curling up on the couch just prior to our rescue. Trust the process. It was the most fun lost set of keys ever. We even made it to school just in time. Sure beats me being frantic and worried.

Two weeks prior, I had run out of gas on our morning trek to the middle school. Miraculously, our car stopped beside some beautiful rushes that I had always wanted to photograph. I got out of the car, much to the dismay of my three mortified middle school passengers, along a busy highway and took the long anticipated picture, while waiting to be shuttled to school. Trust the process. The kids and I got a chuckle out of the experience, especially because most morning commute topics center around miracle sharing and the miracle of an empty gas tank was a scenic picture of my dreams.

We even made it to school just in time. Sure beats me beating myself up for not looking at my dashboard gauges.

I’ve been studying my dreams and developing my intuition. These two incidences hit me over the head with the message that I am not supposed to be a lunch lady anymore. I might have backed out on giving my notice had I not misplaced my keys. While I had fun yucking it up with my kids about the dog, deep in my soul I knew my mission for the day was to let the powers-that-be know that I would hang up my hairnet at winter break.

It’s been four good years. I LOVE the kids. I often say that I am like a bartender or hairstylist listening to concerns over tests, boyfriend/girlfriend troubles, and happy events too. I started being a lunch lady when my youngest went into kinder, so that I would share the same hours and days off with my children. Two years ago, I became a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner and Certified GAPS Practitioner. Becoming a certified health nut conflicted my heart with the knowledge that school lunches contain almost no quality fats necessary for healthy brain and cell function. I struggled with my internal conflict, yet, I continued to don my hairnet telling myself that when my healing practice blossomed, I would leave. The catch is that it’s hard to grow a practice with part-time energy. Trust the process. I mustered up the courage and submitted my resignation thanks to the push of my lost keys and an empty gas tank. One of my nighttime dreams prior to the key incident, was me as a dog on a leash frustrated, trying so hard to get somewhere, while wrapping my leash around and around a tree trunk. The miracle of the lost keys is that I now feel like a dog unleashed and untangled as I get up and live my soul’s dream, trusting the process.

Following my intuition, I felt the need to consider Goldilocks, you know, as in Goldilocks and The Three Bears. Until now, I have considered Goldilocks to be a spoiled brat at best and a reckless vandal at worst with her trespassing, stealing food, breaking a chair, and curling up in Baby Bear’s bed like she owned the place. But wonder if Goldilocks wasn’t bad, what if she was just alone, lost, hungry, tired, and scared? What if the story of Goldilocks is one of self discovery?

Alone and lost, Goldilocks comes upon a house, politely knocks, and then enters. By entering The Three Bears’ house, she exchanges the external wandering path in the woods for an internal journey of self awareness.

Alone and hungry, she first tries Papa Bear’s porridge, it’s too hot. Then Mama Bear’s porridge, it’s too cold. Goldilocks discovers Baby Bear’s “just right” porridge and devours it. Porridge can either be a grain or legume based soup. Since my family adheres to the GAPS (Gut and Psychology/Physiology Syndrome) grain-free protocol and because I grew up in South Texas, let’s call the porridge, Beans A La Charra.

I often have these spicy navy beans (because pinto beans are GAPS illegal) simmering in a crockpot on the kitchen counter. The charra beans symbolize nourishment of both the body and mind. The body and mind are connected. The GAPS protocol supports this connection by focusing on the link between the mind and gut. Heal the digestive system, and heal many mental and physical illnesses. (This public service announcement is brought to you by me, a Certified GAPS Practitioner.)

So why is Goldilocks so picky? After all, she IS hungry. Shouldn’t she “make do” with Papa Bear’s food, blow on it, or something? But she was alone. She didn’t have to “make do” and conform to anyone’s “shoulds”. Alone she could figure out what nourished her wellbeing. It wasn’t the too hot one, maybe out of impatience, nor the too cold one, maybe out of lack of interest. Goldilocks chose Baby Bear’s “just right” spicy beans a la charra because she could. No one was there to tell her she should suck it up and blow on the hot soup or suffer through the cold one because she should be grateful just to have food. She chose the porridge that nourished her body and mind. For the first time, she honored her thoughts. She decided that she always wanted to think for herself.

Then she grew tired. Both parental bear chairs felt too hard, callous reminders of a “that’s just the way it is” world. Baby Bear’s “just right” chair seemed like a good place for rest, but it broke. At the moment the chair collapsed sending Goldilocks crashing to the dusty hard floor, all the broken dreams and broken hearts she never allowed herself to feel before flooded her heart and soul. For the first time, she honored her feelings. She sensed that she always wanted to feel for herself.

She grew even more tired. Soon she chose to feel the comfort of Baby’s Bears bed and slept. When she slept, she dreamed. In her dreams, her journey of awareness continued. But without a paper and pen by Baby Bear’s bedside (trust me, handy paper and pen are necessary for dream recollection and analysis), Goldilocks was unable to recall her dreams after an abrupt awakening by the upset and disappointed bears. Why were the bears angry and resentful? Goldilocks did not behave the way they expected. She wasn’t the good girl that waited on the porch for their return to request permission for food and rest. They didn’t understand that an alone, lost, hungry, and tired girl meant them no malice by her actions, actions that stemmed from her thinking and feeling for herself. Their gruff nature scared her, and she ran away. Goldilocks continued to experience these similar gruff reactions from others because she failed to live up to their expectations, but she was no longer scared. Her journey of self discovery taught her to honor her thoughts and feelings, because they mattered. She mattered. The quote by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, “Well-behaved women seldom make history”, applies to Goldilocks. She made history by creating her own story.

(FYI: I’m a brunette on a similar journey.)

Tag: intuition

Trust the Process

Goldilocks, A Journey of Self Discovery

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